HOUSTON, Texas - Renowned Crwth player J. J. Marshall has denied any wrongdoing in the face of allegations that he illegally funneled money from his 'Crwth for Truth' concert series into John Kerry's Democratic primary campaign. "These charges are entirely without merit," said Marshall's attorney Harwood Bevil III, "Mr. Marshall has a right to his political views, as reflected in his championing of 'truth'. If any candidate feels they have a greater claim to 'truth', that is for them to work out. Mr. Marshall is the world's premier crwth player, and plays for his own enrichment. He does not contribute to the political process, illegally or otherwise."

"I knew we needed to look inside the violin case on this one." -- Harris County Prosecutor Joseph McSpearin

Though now fallen into obscurity, the crwth was an adored and revered instrument throughout the Middle Ages. The instrument's resemblance to the letter K was the Houston prosecutor's first indication that something might be amiss. "My wife hauled me to some concert," Harris County Prosecutor Joseph McSpearin recalled, "I didn't want to go something fierce. When the music started, I knew it wasn't worth the admission. As I was enduring the music, I happened to notice that a crwth looked like a 'K'. Then I remembered the 'Crwth for Truth' name, and the announcer talking about the war in Iraq. I knew then and there that we needed to look inside the violin case on this one."

"I can say with absolute certainty that we did not accept any inappropriate contributions from Mr. Marshall," said a spokesman for the Kerry campaign, "And besides, it was a freaking crwth concert. Did anybody attend the thing?" The point is valid, as the alleged contribution is estimated to have been no more than $125. "There were about 50 of us there that night," admitted McSpearin, "And assuming they all paid the same $2.50 that we did, that's $125." If Marshall has contributed the night's take to Kerry's campaign, he would still be within his right as a citizen.

"I guess I have to admit that I felt a little defrauded on the concert," allowed McSpearin, "It may have clouded my judgement in bringing charges. But honestly, have you ever heard a crwth? Believe me, you'd want your $2.50 back, too."
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